When OCD Complicates Your Missionary’s Weekly Call
You look forward to hearing from your missionary all week. You want to hear about the people they are meeting, their companion, and the experiences they are having. But lately, the calls have started to sound the same.
“Do you think I’m doing a good job?” “I’m worried I’m not being obedient enough.” “I don’t think I’m feeling the Spirit like I’m supposed to.” “Maybe I need to talk to my Mission President again.”
You listen, encourage, and reassure. Your missionary seems calmer by the end of the conversation. Then the next call brings the same concerns, sometimes with a new detail that makes the question feel urgent again.
For families supporting a missionary with scrupulosity, this pattern can be confusing and exhausting. Understanding it can help you respond with love while supporting recovery.
When the call becomes a compulsion
Scrupulosity is a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder focused on religious or moral concerns. For missionaries, those concerns may involve worthiness, honesty, obedience, the strength of their testimony, or their ability to receive personal revelation. When a doubt appears, your missionary may feel compelled to get an answer from someone they trust. They hope you can say something that finally makes the worry go away.
You reassure them, and their distress briefly decreases. But then another possibility appears: What if Mom misunderstood? What if I left something out? What if Dad is just saying that because he loves me?
The question returns, and another conversation feels necessary. That P-day calll can become organized around seeking reassurance in the hopes of obtaining relief from their anxiety and OCD symptoms.
What this can sound like
Reassurance seeking does not always sound like asking, “Am I okay?”
Your missionary might recount a conversation in painstaking detail and ask whether they were sincere and said the right thing. They might repeatedly describe a past mistake, hoping you will confirm that they have repented sufficiently. They may ask you to interpret a feeling, evaluate their testimony, or decide whether a small deviation from their schedule means they failed to be obedient.
While the content of the questions can vary, the most important thing is recognizing that they are part of a pattern that is associated with OCD. The same concern keeps returning, explanations become increasingly detailed, and answers provide only short-lived relief. A difficult conversation or an occasional request for guidance does not, by itself, mean someone has OCD, but repeated questions about the same thing well beyond the norm might be a symptom of a larger issue.
Why more reassurance may not help
As a parent, reassuring your child feels natural. You want them to know that you love them and believe in them.
With OCD, however, repeatedly answering the obsession can reinforce the idea that the question is something that needs to be taken seriously and that they need to continue worrying about it until they feel 100% certain. Even though it feels counterintuitive to many parents, not engaging in repeated conversations about the same concern can often be the best thing you can do to help your child learn to manage their anxiety and move on.
Offer support without repeatedly settling the doubt
You can acknowledge distress and express confidence without deciding whether every feared possibility is true. For example:
“I hear how upsetting this feels. I love you, but I think this is something you’re going to have to come to terms with on your own.
Or:
“We’ve talked about this question several times. I don’t think another answer from me is helping it stay resolved.”
If repeated reassurance is a longstanding pattern, an OCD specialist can offer support and help your family make changes gradually.
Make room for the rest of your relationship
Your missionary is more than the doubt they are experiencing. It can be helpful to try to shift the calls to other parts of their life and experience. Ask about a person they enjoyed meeting, something funny their companion said, or an ordinary detail of daily life. Share news from home. Leave room for affection, humor, and connection.
You might agree together to avoid repeatedly reviewing an already-addressed concern and spend part of the call talking about other experiences. The goal is to help your relationship have room for more than OCD.
Know when more support is needed
At Mountain Home Center for Religious and Moral OCD, I help families understand reassurance seeking and develop supportive responses, including through parent-based treatment called Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE). You can remain loving and involved while changing how you respond to your missionary’s OCD. With the right tools, weekly calls can become a place for connection and encouragement, with more room for the relationship you both value.
To learn more, explore our free course, “Is It OCD? Recognizing Scrupulosity in Latter-day Saints”. It offers a starting point for individuals, families, and Church leaders who want to better understand religious and moral OCD.
Look for an expanded course focused specifically on missionaries and their families in early 2027, with more guidance on recognizing scrupulosity during missionary service and supporting recovery.
